When using the Internet for collecting job offers one places resumes and cover letters on myriad sites. The fond hope is that carefully crafted work fits the requirements of the individual looking for talented people.
Unfortunately in this day and age the process is layered with several people or web forms prior to getting to the actual individuals that can judge one’s abilities.
This brings to mind thoughts of what I would rather have said when wordsmithing the erudite cover letter and resume.
What follows is a mixture of venting and fun at the expense of the reviewer of my submitted products. It is in the form of their response followed by my response.
1. The resume is too long. Yes the resume is long because I have worked for decades and all of it is relevant.
2. An inventory of skills is just a list of “buzzwords”? No you idiot they are the actual hands-on devices, applications, and systems used in my experience.
3. The form of the resume is not in the correct “person”. May I point out that the form is not in the correct person’s hand?
4. There are too many jobs in a short time frame. Yes consulting work runs a few months to a year or so; seldom longer unless hired into the organization.
5. There needs to be more narrative. Wait a minute. You just complained it was too long.
6. The content is too technical. Duh! Who is reading this?
7. I do not see any relevant experience. Could you if I gave it to you in any other form? A documentary maybe?
8. There are only successes shown in the resume. What?
9. You should have a professional write you a resume. Would you recommend your secretary?
10. You should have a professional write you a resume. You were right…….and the massage was fantastic!
(Saying this sarcastically) do what a lot of other over qualified applicants do — re-write the job requisition as your cover letter. After all, you’ve been in the business long enough, you have more than like been there done that!